Now You Will See What You Are Made Of…
You’ve Recognized that YOU Shattered You.
You’ve Reclaimed those abandoned pieces by spotting them.
It’s Restoration Day and it should be more than just a surface level refinishing (which you do NOT want). To begin, all of the “players” we are inviting to your Restoration Party are holding Grudges, that you must heal.
Head down, ears back, you’ve got this…
The Five Grudges
First player is the world. It rejected you, judged you and taught you that parts of you were not valuable enough for love. You are pissed at the World. (Grudge #1)
Then there was your family. They did exactly what the world did, which is reject and devalue parts of you to meet their own needs and fears. Bonus round injury? They FAILED to protect you from the world and all the OUTSIDE people leading you to shatter yourself. If you’re counting, and we are, that is two different ways you feel betrayed by your family. (Grudge #2 & #3)
Then there’s YOU, who threw pieces of YOURSELF out the door, got a bus and backed over you. Twice. Or however many times you needed to in order to keep feeling loved. You hate yourself for this. (Grudge #4)
And finally, there is the abandoned piece that you screwed over. For me, I shattered & scattered traits that were feminine. She is the part you left on the side of the road to get eaten by wolves. She is angry at you and does not trust you. Neither does she trust your family who did not intervene or the world that encourages abuse. She is shivering, wet naked and afraid. She feels abandoned by everybody and especially by YOU. (Grudge #5)
Now that you know all the players, the game is very simple. Invite all your Reclaimed pieces plus all the Players above to the SAME party. Then start understanding them, so you can forgive. (And yes, this includes understanding & forgiving yourself and the part you shattered and hammered off.)
You cannot forgive what you will not let yourself understand.
The Universe has brought me this deep truth. I had it backwards. I was taught, as were you, forgiveness LEADS to understanding. Reverse that.
Excellent Counter-Example: Most marriages do not survive a partner’s affair for one reason. One spouse never truly forgives. Now you know why this happens. To forgive is not the effort, to UNDERSTAND IS. Those partners who did not WANT to understand, therefore could never really forgive.
How to Heal The Five Grudges
Restoration is the process of healing the Five Grudges, through UNDERSTANDING, so you can accept where you are (Good, Bad & Ugly) and welcome back what you’ve forsaken.
—> When you do this there are NO STEPS TO FORGIVENESS.
Remember, I taught you the Universe has processes that operate on autopilot. They are faster than an iPhone applying autocorrect!
Now know that you are seeking UNDERSTANDING. And once you’ve gotten it at a deep level, you not only CAN forgive, but forgiveness autopilot “kicks in.”
Only with understanding can you drop resentment, resistance, regret and rescue. (My 4 R’s of Doom). Only when you understand, can you love any of your players. Being able to love your family (who screwed you over), yourself (who screwed you over), the world (which screws people over) and that abandoned piece are CRITICAL to your true restoration.
1) Identify Your Players
2) Understand Each Player
3) Apologize to Your Shattered Piece
4) Make Her a Spot at Your Table
Identify Your Players – See Above.
Understand the Players:
You’ll know you’ve done a good job when it’s hard to keep holding the same grudge.
You have to be able to see WHY the players acted as they did and unintentionally hurt you. And do this for yourself too. See WHY you shattered & scattered you without judgment.
Finally, see why part of you now feels totally unsafe with the “rest” of you. (i.e. How would you feel if you were thrown out?)
Apologize to The Abandoned Part of You:
This is literal. Say it out loud. List and own out what you did. Do not explain or excuse it. Apologize. Give yourself the kind of apologies you like.
I actually named my bundle of traits, Evie, so I can stay more mindful of her and break the habit of disregarding her needs.
I apologized until I felt HER feel better, not me.
Make Her A Spot At Your Table:
This is affirmative action. Apology for a long standing abuse without reparations doesn’t heal the deepest wounds.
Give. Her. What. She. Needed. Back. Then. NOW.
Figure out what you can do right now to show her this apology is genuine and you are inviting her back and you will FIGHT for her if need be.
You are RESTORING your trust in you.
RESTORING your wholeness.
RESTORING peace in the world. (If everyone could do this, war would end).
RESTORING your Self-Love & Security.
Once you have done Restoration (where we work with our oldest things), we can begin Renovation, (to bring in the new), next week! You are almost there Angel 🙂
P.S. You should address each of your “players” separately. Do not try to be efficient! You are healing wounds and some of them are crazily deep. If you discover more grudges, deal with those too.
I cannot emphasize enough how much it helps to approach the pieces you broke off as if each piece was a separate ‘person’ that you’ve harmed. You are more respectful of the feelings of OTHERS than yourself.
Lastly, healing the anger, betrayal, loss of trust and abandonment from The Five Grudges goes a very long way to removing what these energies attract into your life.
Tanya Stewart is “The Alpha Woman Coach” and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with. She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success. ALL My videos are always on my Vimeo channel HERE Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: www.FearlessFocusCoaching.com/Resources