On Your Marks, Get Set…Go!
Many of you reached out to tell me how deeply RECOGNITION, Step 1 in The Art of Self-Rescue resonated truth to you. Thank you for that confirmation.
You recognized that YOU shattered you. Now let’s roll up our emotional sleeves and see about reclaiming those scattered pieces in RECLAMATION.
Do this now. Invest the time in this longer coaching today.
You will need it to succeed in your coming RESTORATION (Step 3) and RENOVATION (Step 4).
Catch Up Here for The Art of Self-Rescue: Recognition, Step 1
The Work Is Not to “Do”, But to “See”
You’re getting excited because you want to “do” something about this NOW. Instead, I want you to lean in and understand that the process of your course correction is automatic, hardwired and Divine in origin. Meaning, like healing a cut, it doesn’t need a whole lot of help from you.
All that’s really needed for the process of Reclamation is using your courage to identify the pieces of yourself that you shattered and scattered.
You’ll learn two ways to spot the pieces you’ve abandoned, rejected and neglected. Once spotted… that’s it for Reclamation. See the truth that those pieces WERE once part of you and that you (not your mother, your husband, your government or the creep who touched you) threw them away and they’ll start to return.
Let’s go find you…
The Cork Process – How to Reclaim Your LEAST Rejected Pieces
You must reclaim pieces of you that have been scattered both near and far. Let’s do the easiest first.
I am incredibly creative. I used to write poetry in high school. What happened to that? I became creative in little spurts. Creative forces would build up in me and then I would make jewelry, make soap, scrapbook, garden or bake for a short time until “my real life” required all my attention again. Then I was back to harnessing creativity for productivity.
My creativity had to proverbially ‘get on the pole’ and shake it and make mama some money (or get mama some approval) – and if it couldn’t do that…I shattered and scattered it again.
The Cork Process is where you look through your life for things that repeatedly keep popping up, wanting expression, whenever they are not held down by the weight of your life. A cork will always surface the moment you stop holding it under water.
My craft projects would routinely get starved out for time, space, money and importance. And yet, the urge to MAKE something kept floating up. I now know I am a Builder Girl. I build things: jewelry, furniture, food, desserts, people, businesses. I won’t let this be suppressed anymore.
Welcome Back Craft Queen/Furniture Maker/Decorator/Author
The Noticing Process – How to Reclaim Your MOST Rejected Pieces
To find the pieces you’ve thrown the farthest from you, you only need to notice traits you strongly dislike.
The process of shattering, scattering and suppressing is a violence that you do to yourself. When a trait in you costs you approval, you begin to hate it. Then, you hammer at yourself to ‘break off’ that piece of you. All that violence leaves an energy signature similar to hate, dislike, prejudice, contemptuousness and revulsion.
When you see the bits that you hammered off IN other people, it triggers those emotions again. That is how we will trace these lost pieces. Your dark emotions return to remind you of whatever bit you rejected.
Example: When you wear the color chartreuse it makes everything in your world go badly (i.e. makes people whose approval you want, not approve of you). Therefore, you’ve decided that the color chartreuse is at fault and you reject it. It is targeted for removal.
Now, when you see chartreuse on someone else, you have a subconscious and visceral dislike of it (and perhaps even the wearer). It was removed because you thought it separated you from approval, love and security. So. You. Don’t. Like. It.
That dislike is the smoking gun.
What do you dislike? What do you hate? What are you contemptuous of?
Weakness Neediness Laziness Entitlement Irresponsibility Fluffiness
You read that list and now you’re nervous. Maybe you dislike the same things I do. and How could it be really wrong to dislike those things?! It’s not wrong. The problem is ALL of those things ARE inside of us. I HAVE those things. I cast out all of the parts of me that I thought were identified with those things.
Want a summarizing word for what I threw away in one big bucket sized handbag? – The Feminine. Yeah, that stung, but it was TRUE!
I had believed what society told me about the feminine and associated it with the majority of those things I disliked. So, the aspects of me that were feminine pretty much had to go.
I became a tomboy. Athletic. Excelled in math, physics & sciences (boy things!) And remember, Alphas identify primarily in masculine energy.
Because we’ve rejected feminine traits, many Alphas tend to have problematic relationships with other women. It’s why we say most of our friends are men. When you do have women friends, it’s Alphas or women you protect.
Welcome to the party girlie.
You will find your strongest dislikes are attached to your most painful self-abandonments.
Welcome Back Housewife – My Deepest Rejection
Your Reclamation is where you tell yourself truths. And they will feel anywhere from strange to heartbreaking to terrifying.
I am an Alpha, with a genius level IQ, self-employed entrepreneur & attorney for 20 years and at this moment I’m nurturing my housewife. She is a collection of the traits I most rejected.
I am nurturing the woman who has needs. I am nurturing the part of me that gets afraid and feels lonely. I’m nurturing the part of me that has to hear the words, not just see the actions. I am supporting the part of me that needs to create something, all the time. I am reveling in my expansion as a mother and mothering my ass off (breakfast, lunch AND dinner thank you) without apology.
I am, in short, Reclaiming & Restoring my Beta, my Feminine.
Doing this entire process will change your life. Yet, it can be overwhelming AF. Do your Noticing & Cork Processes.
Congratulations…on starting your Reclamation. Next week, we begin Restoration of the injured pieces you’ve found which will release those parts from shame and YOU from blame.
P.S. You can do this. You can look at your darkness to find the lights you snuffed out. This is the work. Face your prejudices so they can set you free. It was huge to me to figure out why I never liked women. Oh, and this is important. I AM a woman, so guess what? In disowning the feminine and women, I abandoned a huge part of me.
Hello low Self-Love, Self-Worth issues and abusive relationships! Remember, Alphas form from an early Abandonment trauma. Look how I was replicating it & continuing it. Write me and let me know if you are getting this…
P.P.S. Housewifery is so marginalized today, that most of the graphics available were retro cartoons! No real photos of modern women happily in this role. Angrily? Yes. Exhausted? Yes. None happily embracing. 🙁
Tanya Stewart is “The Alpha Woman Coach” and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with. She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success. ALL My videos are always on my Vimeo channel HERE Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: www.FearlessFocusCoaching.com/Resources