[Relationships] The Power of Vulnerability – Why Does Truth Hurt? #4

Ever Wonder WHY Truth Hurts?

They say truth hurts. But WHY? Why is that? I’m going to drop a truth on you right now – we are deeply afraid of the truth because….drumroll…it makes us feel VULNERABLE.

If you stop fearing being vulnerable, you get MORE truth. Truth is a synonym for LOVE. So yes, you want more of it! 

Catch Up Here: Vulnerability Gives Strength#1 – Vulnerability Grows Love #2Vulnerability Gives Information #3

Time to Tell the Truth About Truth

There is a saying, I’d rather be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie.

But…we don’t really like getting slapped do we?

Alphas share a core abandonment issue that fractured your self-love, self-trust and self-worth. That event taught you to HIDE the truth of yourself even from you. Squish down your feelings. Don’t ask for help. Rely only on  yourself. And work HARD TO EARN LOVE CREDITS from others.

You learned that the truth (that sometimes you feel like a stressed out, unlovable mess) is NOT OKAY. So you learned TRUTH is not okay. Not safe. See it?

Subconsciously we all have a level of resistance to truth so long as we are still hiding our own squishy, lonely, unhealed core.

Do you know what hurts you about truths? That you DON’T want to know. Or that you knew the truth and were avoiding changing course.

The truth itself NEVER hurt anyone. It is always the story we created (that we totally prefer) being ripped away, that hurts us.

Want a sticky truth? Most people do not know how to love without bartering, abuse and imbalance. That includes our parents. They loved you as best they could, but in soo many cases that really wasn’t good enough. And it left real scars.

To heal our pasts we have to start from what actually happened. We have to be WILLING to see the truth (i.e. vulnerable). If you were not well loved, do you tell yourself a story? Do you rationalize it? Pretend it doesn’t matter anymore? Focus on their efforts and intentions? Or stay in simmering resentment and hurt?

To heal you must see what IS and only then can you move forward. Is the truth that you were not well loved, and THAT set up some patterns in you, that are still shooting you in the foot? (That was my truth.)  

Admitting that requires vulnerability. Truth without attempting damage control. In this case, no damage control means you let yourself finally FEEL IT.

You will not die. You will not spin forever. You will heal and you will LOVE. You don’t have to tell these darkest truths to the world as I have. Just telling yourself and a Kleenex box or coach will do. 


As a High-Conflict Divorce Attorney, I watched Truth act as a ‘solvent’, cleaning away the erosion my clients WILLINGLY LET BUILD UP.


Truth Resisted is Suffering

When you cut yourself off from truth, to numb out the pain of what you don’t want to see, you deaden the part of you that is needed for love and growth. That leads to suffering.  And the part you that you numb & kill off is the part that permits Vulnerability. 

Truth hurts when you have lied to yourself about what is, read into what it means or refuse to act based on it. Your mother leaving you does not mean you were not lovable. You having an abortion does not mean you can never be a good mom.  Your past inability to commit does not mean you cannot (with growth) find a committed happily ever after. Your physical disability does not mean you cannot succeed (it may mean you must work harder). 

As a high-conflict divorce lawyer, I watched the truth act as a solvent, cleaning away the erosion my clients willingly LET BUILD UP. If you wait too long, the erosion eats all your steel away. You have to be vulnerable to say – not only did I make a bad call in this marriage but I freakin’ knew it 13 years ago and did not act. 

Can you agree to always act on the truth, even if scary? To never avoid seeing it, even if scary? And not make ‘what is’ into something else scarier?  If so, you will have no problem being “vulnerable.” You will see truth. You will hear truth. You will tell and attract truth and it will set you free, because truth is always safer in the long run.

When you embrace and nurture that piece of Vulnerability you have suffocated, you will find truth hurts less. You are surprised less. You are betrayed LESS. 

Betrayal is often about a truth you refused to see until it is THRUST on you violently. Betrayal in the world always originates with SELF-betrayal. 

Harsh and simple: Embrace vulnerability to stop avoiding truth and life will stop lying to you. Own your wounds because you are worthy of them healing. Confess to yourself about your abuses and abusers. 

Truth: Without your “stories” about your past, you will feel vulnerable. Without your wounds, others may stop caring for you. Without your abuses you may feel weak. Without your abusers, you lose the esteem of a “righteous” fight. BUT…you will become YOU. Healed and lovable. 

Are you vulnerable enough to see who YOU really are? 

Vulnerability Permits You to Seek and Receive the Truth About YOU.

Are You Vulnerable Enough to See Who YOU Really Are and LOVE WHATEVER IS THERE?

In Joy,

Tanya Stewart (Signature)

P.S. I cannot tell you how important this coaching is. It’s not particularly sexy, truth often isn’t, but its necessary. In the words of a long time reader of mine, Mike Edwards, you have to “DIG FOR TRUTH”. And when you hit it, know that the hurt is not “truth’s” fault. It’s your resistance to your illusion ending. You can make that painful or joyous. I chose JOY.  If you begin this process, know it won’t be popular. People like to stay asleep and resent being woken to anything that requires them to change or be made “wrong.” Don’t worry about them, just wake YOU. 

Tanya Stewart is “The Alpha Woman Coach” and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with. She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success. ALL My videos are always on my Vimeo channel HERE Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: www.FearlessFocusCoaching.com/Resources

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