[Relationships] Doritos, Eggplant and Heartache – a How “Not To” Guide
Yes, I can tie love, Doritos and Eggplant together. Watch and learn…
I have a client that I’ve been coaching for a long time so I know her relationship history as well as mine.
Some Men are Eggplants…
So my client is allergic to eggplant. Seriously. I’m not entirely sure why lots of people even eat eggplant, so the idea of someone being allergic to it is slightly comical to me. When she eats eggplant it makes her cough, sneeze and maybe even breathe funny. (I personally think she likes to eat it because she likes to say “Baba Ganoush” which is the name of some eggplant dish which even spellcheck could not spell).
She calls me up –
Her: “I want to detox, so I am eating only vegetables and I’m making eggplant.”
Me: Why would you do that? ( insert unnecessary expletive wherever you think I put it)
Her: It just tastes so yummy. I’ll just deal with the reaction, it’s not so bad.
She had it for dinner and then for breakfast and since she wasn’t dead yet, was even eyeing her leftovers for lunch when she was hit with a vicious headache and crazy cough.
I felt compelled to point out that it doesn’t matter how good it tastes if it’s bad for you in SOME way.
In relationships we have a tendency to let our ego magnify the tasty yummy parts and downplay the icky, crappy parts. We break up with people and then go back to them because while they were away, all we did was think about the tasty yummy parts. Stop it.
You need to revise the standard that for something to be bad for you it has to be 100% bad for you. Very few things are hundred percent bad for you except a bullet fired at you from close range. Everything else is on a scale somewhere. It is self-loving to decide to stop accepting things that are “kind of bad for “you.
Some men are eggplant and are kind of bad for you. Some women should talk to the Eggplant Growers Association and apply to be their spokes model because they are really kind of bad for you.
Make a list of the three things that you’re doing right now that are “kind of” bad for you. Pick the one that would change your life the most and just freakin’ stop it.
Are You Involved with a Doritos bag?
Did you ever get a bag of Doritos when you’re just starving? You tear open the bag and you are munching away as fast as you can on the biggest chips. Then you eat the smaller chips. Then, if you’re totally honest (stop lying to yourself), you probably lick your finger and dig in the bag to get to the tiny little crumbs. Yes, I have done this more than once.
There then comes that moment where you actually check the bag again to make sure there’s still nothing left in there that you can eat. You check it after you KNOW it’s empty.
I have done this and I have seen people do this with their relationships. They meet, it’s great and then things get less great and then there’s like nothing there for you – but you keep coming back. You have to shake that bag just one more time. You lick your finger and try to get the crumbs. You just won’t accept that there’s nothing left in this relationship for you – it’s an empty Doritos bag.
Let it go. The only reason you’re acting crazy with this bag is because you’re super hungry. Meaning, you are empty and afraid inside and you are going back to this person over and over looking for just another crumb to keep you from emotionally starving to death.
And just so those of you who have healthy relationships don’t feel to superior – your Doritos bag or eggplant can be a job, nonperforming business, a wayward child, an abusive friend or spiritual practice that doesn’t serve you anymore.
I guarantee you right now everyone reading this somehow has an eggplant or Doritos bag in their life in some form.
Love yourself more and throw that empty bag in the trash and let someone else eat that eggplant and cough on it.
Bonus Eggplant Lesson:
Today I want to talk about two laws that I repeat all the time:
1) You do one thing the way you do everything and
2) Anything you do with the fear-based motive must fail.
You do one thing the way you do all things. The silly story with the eggplant was instructive because she caught herself doing the VERY same thing with a guy she had dated for way too long and finally broken up with. She kept wanting to glamourize his good bits and ignore the headaches he caused and go back.
That is not love. That’s LOVE Letting Others Validate Ego ©
We do one thing the way we do all things. That’s why if you have a big bad habit to break, find it in miniature somewhere else and BREAK THAT SMALLER ONE.
THAT was my Valentine’s Gift to you. That is thousand dollar advice.
What is true of a small thing is true of a big thing says Florence Shinn, my favorite teacher.
On the Doritos Bag front, when the motivation for coming back, staying or taking back a person is FEAR (I don’t want to be alone, I won’t find this love again, we have to make this work or I can’t go on…) it must fail. Insert job or friendship as appropriate.
The Doritos Bag relationship is NOT the problem to be solved, it is the gap in your Self-Love that leaves you feeling like you are starving for some love, any love, even crumbs.
Do NOT be a crumb taker! I am a reformed crumb taker (another group I need to start apparently). You CAN break that cycle with help. Reach out. I’m here…
Tell me your stories, I’m listening.