So, Who Are YOU STILL Mad At?
The old joke is you go to a therapist and the first thing they say is…”Tell me about your mother.”
After years of coaching, this joke isn’t quite as funny anymore. I really COULD start any coaching conversation with “Tell me who you hate…who are you mad at?”
Who can’t you FORGIVE? Who has taken something from you that you think God cannot restore?
This week two of my clients hit a block while reaching out for their purpose (only my FAVORITE thing!). The block is a wound they wouldn’t LET heal.
When you choose to stay mad it keeps the wound open and throbbing. It literally can’t heal because you keep giving your attention to YOUR WOUND. The energy feeds it.
Let’s get these off the table right away:
1) they WERE wrong
2) they DID hurt you and
3) they DIDN’T apologize (or least not well enough).
So, why should you forgive them?
Forgiveness is NOT ABOUT THEM.I teach it is 80% about YOU, 20% them.
So here is the new and shocking thought you need to know – the horrible sick or angry feeling that “this person” causes in you is NOT FROM THEM. It is the feeling you are getting from splitting yourself in two.
NEWSFLASH: Your inner being, higher self or soul (pick one) is NOT pissed off at your mother!
Your soul was there when you PICKED HER for your life’s lessons, your very curriculum down here REQUIRED HER TO BE: lazy, crazy, mean, incompetent, selfish, drunk, bossy etc.
Do you know how crazy your soul must think you are? Much like a child who asks for a food, demands IT and then won’t eat it?
Your soul loves whoever “hurt” you (yes, that IS truly annoying sometimes), it understands why they did that “crazy” thing and understands how you will BENEFIT from the “betrayal” IF and WHEN you let yourself.
But You? You are pissed.
THAT disconnect drives the majority of your negative feelings. You are disappointing YOURSELF with your dis-alignment.
Taking yourself out of alignment with inner truth blocks your ability to receive your PURPOSE (and all the other good stuff too…).
So here is my big secret to forgiveness: As you are not Budda or another enlightened avatar, it will likely take you MORE than ONE attempt to forgive. We often “decide” to forgive and then get frustrated when we discover 2 weeks later we are angry all over again.
Forgiveness is like scooping frozen ice cream.
When scooping frozen ice cream, the very top may come out easily and then…it gets….HARD.
If you let it sit and wait awhile (timing is everything), then you can get a little more. So too with forgiveness.
Forgive what you can do NOW. Don’t judge yourself if you cannot do it ALL in one scoop.
Check back regularly until you find that the person or event does not trigger you.
I have had a man try to kill me and forgiven it (it is actually one of my funniest stories now – seriously!).
That means I have completely released it and taken in the lesson and bless that day as making me the woman & coach I am now. I have spoken to hundreds of abused women and seeing my triumph helped them break their cycle.
If you are struggling with something that feels unforgivable but you WANT to move on, take back your life AND your power, click here to talk to me.
I can help you turn your tragedy into your transformation.
Can you imagine being able to tell “the” story and laugh?
P.S. I briefly dated a guy who had a seemingly “unhealable” problem with 4 painful vertebrae. Ok. Ask me how many family members had hurt him, tried to steal his inheritance and stolen money from him? Ummm. FOUR (Including Mom). His answer on forgiveness was unfortunately… HELL NO.