[Relationships] The 4 Hidden Relationship Mistakes – #4 The Gambler

Bad Gamblers Have One Thing In Common…

They just don’t know when to QUIT.

Are you in a relationship at work, at home or with family and you just can’t quit? The facts aren’t in dispute. You are being badly treated. You know it. Others know it. But…But… But what? You are in the 4th Hidden Relationship Mistake:

The Gambler Mistake

Catch Up On the Other Mistakes Here: #1 Do The Math#2 Be Like Visa , #3 Don’t Be The Mom

If You Are “The Gambler” You Know How to Compound Your Mistakes

The Gambler is Pot Committed. That means you’ve invested soo much time, money, effort, love, trust and hope into a person that you cannot ever let them fail.

You can see this a lot where someone gives repeat second chances. After about 2 or 3, those chances are MORE about your need to avoid admitting you were WRONG about gambling on them, than their worthiness of another try. This one is a very common family mistake. 

The Gambler compounds her errors by refusing to stop the bleeding. You want to keep being right and hopeful. You are Nero who is said to have fiddled whilst Rome burned. Welcome to Denial, which is more than a river in Egypt. 

If you recognize yourself in The Gambler, you fear the uncertain consequences of truth MORE than the certain consequences of unhappiness.


Pot Committed: When You’ve Put Soo Much Money Into a “Hand”, Your Judgement About Folding is Biased Because You NEED to Win


Can You Just Be WRONG?

If I could recommend an undervalued skill to you, it would be becoming able to just BE WRONG.

You will be wrong many times in your life. The more adept you are at spotting it, owning it, DECLARING IT and then pivoting appropriately, the easier your life will be. The easier your children’s lives will be.

Often you will find you were wrong but had good intentions.  Read that “often” as about 98% of the time. We just discussed this in The Mom Mistake. Ignore your intentions and call it just wrong.

Yes, you want to save emotional face. Who wants to look foolish? I want you to balance the momentary foolish fear versus your heart.  Versus your future and versus your right to be happy and well loved. And if you are a mother, do not underestimate the value of demonstration to your children that you correct a wrong when detected, not when CONVENIENT!

After decades as a high-conflict divorce attorney, I’ll tell you to just move on with the $2 you have left, your ruined credit, your missing jewelry and without that apology you were waiting for. Don’t try to “win” it back before you go.

If you admit you made a bad call you can then receive Grace & Guidance to begin again. If you DON’T admit it, you are lying to yourself and asking to receive Divine Grace. See? Not as likely.

There is also a remarkable freedom the moment when you really look yourself in the mirror and call out your own screw up. It is a tremendous act of self-love and self-worth to say, I won’t go any further down a known bad path. You’ll actually feel a surge of energy that comes from relief. 

If you are in a very sticky situation, get some help with the exit logistics, but get yourself into the truth FIRST!

Good Gamblers know when to walk away…know when to run!

(Shout out to Kenny Rodgers, The Gambler is STILL a damn fine song!).  

Don’t Gamble. Don’t Stay Anywhere Based On How Much You’ve Already Invested. Do NOT Stay In a Game You Cannot Win.  

In Joy,

Tanya Stewart (Signature)

P.S. I’ve been here sister. If you are in the middle of a long term bad gamble, getting out can seem like more trouble than it’s worth. It’s not. I look back at my first marriage. I could’ve just keep going. Keep coping. Keep hiding. Saying I was WRONG, sucked oh royale. Missing out on the woman I’ve become in the last 9 years? That would’ve sucked MORE. I owe my present day happiness to 30 seconds of insane courage calling out my bad hand. Then, I just did each thing that came next and one day I was free to start over. Without that freedom, I’d never have discovered the Alpha Coach inside of me.   We will all have to fold some hands we’ve heavily invested in from time to time in life. Always fold by your own choice and before you are wiped out. 

Tanya Stewart is “The Alpha Woman Coach” and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with. She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success. ALL My videos are always on my Vimeo channel HERE Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: www.FearlessFocusCoaching.com/Resources

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