We are learning the 4 BIG goals that you have been taught to seek directly that don’t work energetically and spiritually.
Those goals are Money, Love, Weight Loss and Success.
Last week we learned about MONEY – This week we are talking about love!
Love is a good goal ONLY when focused on what YOU are doing. The bad goal is wanting to BE loved, as in to passively RECEIVE love. The good, direct goal is to ‘BE love’ yourself and then seek to GIVE THAT LOVE AWAY.
Step 1 – Give Love to Yourself Before You ASK For It From Others
If you really really want more people to love you, you really really have to be busy loving yourself FIRST.
Almost no one knows how to do that. That is the worthy, direct goal.
But I want my love NOW!
Wanting to be loved by someone else when you don’t already love yourself is a form of theft.
“I don’t think I’m worth anything but I want you to come over here and give me everything. And give it to me long enough that maybe I can convince myself that I am worth something because YOU think I’m worth something.”
BY Universal law this is never allowed to work. Ever. Seriously. Not gonna happen. It always falls apart.
After 15 years as a divorce lawyer, you begin to see the pattern of this and it is terrifying that no one realizes they’re trapped in this pattern.
Step 2 – Relationships Are For GIVING Love First, Not Receiving
Relationships are a place you should be going to GIVE not receive.
You can learn this is 60 seconds.
Dinner party. Pot luck. Everyone is coming to the party looking to GIVE. Result? Everyone has MORE than enough and no one is “burdened”.
Now imagine that same pot luck dinner, only NO ONE BRINGS ANYTHING but empty containers to take home other people’s food! Everyone arrives prepared to RECEIVE but there is nothing to SHARE. (Hello modern relationship headed toward disaster).
Only A is love and works out well for EVERYONE all the time! B screws everyone and C screws one person continually (See The Dark Side of Giving).
Love, as commonly taught, is actually a goal to BE loved. But that is backwards and results in a lot of hungry people, a lot of empty containers and very little food to share.
The good goal is seeking to feel your own worthiness (self-love) and then seek a relationship where you can confidently give your love. In doing this, you are being taken care of as you caretake.
And just so you know this concept isn’t new – here is part of the Peace Prayer of St. Francis (I went to St. Francis Prep High School):
grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned…
Seek to GIVE Love, first to yourself and then in your relationship. If that sounds “dangerous”, you are probably in a Scenario B or C relationship and need my help. Just ask…
P.S. Releasing the driving ache to “be loved” is life changing! If you love yourself first, you fill up your empty spots and in this new, healthier state love FINDS YOU without you stealing, bartering or seeking for it.
I’ll be on FB LIVE Friday morning talking about Bad Goal: Love on Friday’s Motivating Question! If you have a question, shoot it over 🙂
Here’s last Friday’s Video on Bad Goal: Money
Tanya Stewart is “The Alpha Woman Coach” and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change from within. She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. Her greatest credential is deep, daily joy, having finally separated struggle from success.