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[Focus Mag] Why To Give, How To Receive & The Missing Link “Asking”

Our FOCUS: Why Do I Give, How to Receive & the Missing Link “Asking”

Alphas are terrible at asking.

I don’t even have to prove that sentence. You know it’s true. You. Don’t. Ask. For. Help!

In life, it is a self fulfilling prophecy. The more that you DON’T ASK for help, the more you don’t GET help. We then use that observation to rationalize continuing not asking for help.

Today you’ll learn the cycle of giving, receiving and asking how that helps you get what you really want? Let’s do this!


      Author Unknown

“Asking for help is a sign of STRENGTH not weakness.”

Today’s TRAINING: Giving, Receiving & Asking

We have grown up in environments that have shown us that if you want something done right… See? I don’t even have to finish that thought. When you want something done right, you go do it yourself! Whether you have time to or not.

I get it. We’ve had the same experiences. When I was still brave enough or silly enough (which ever one you think fits right now) to ask people to help me when I was younger, I was constantly disappointed. So, I learned. Alphas are lone wolves.

What is interesting, is how well our general refusal to ask mirrors our incredible resistance to receiving. Alphas are very poor receivers!

Yep, you’re beginning to see that connection aren’t you? Even if you don’t ask for help, if somebody offers help TO you, you say, “It’s OK, I’ve got it.”

And now time for Tanya’s two favorite coaching words.
 Stop it!

Your ability to receive, be it compliments, assistance, money, time or instruction, tell you a great deal about your level of self-love.

When you love yourself, you can easily receive FROM other people. The more problems you have with self-love, the more difficult it is receiving from other people.

In the absence of loving yourself, you don’t trust yourself. When you don’t trust yourself, you cannot trust other people. So, you don’t trust them trying to GIVE to you.

See how it’s all so connected? But the advantage IS the interconnection. When you fix any one area, all the other ones begin to improve and your entire life gets better quickly!

If You Need Something In Life You Need To Find A Way To GIVE It

You receive back what you have given and not necessarily from the place or the person that you GAVE it to. So, if you are stressed about not having enough money, it really is true that it would help you to find a way to give some money.

If you’re stressed about not having enough time, you actually need to find a way to give away some time.

We’re going to take the time to explain tithing. Because I didn’t used to think it was a valid concept. I really thought that 1 billion years ago a religious institution figured out is a really good way to make sure that they had a constant flow of income!

My life changed when I found my own understanding of giving. Tithing is about giving away something that you find valuable and that you want more of in your life. The percentage you give is not magical, it works with 10% and with 1%.

Once you actually realize that the amount you’re giving DOES connect to the amount you’re receiving, you quickly start WANTING to give more. All the wealthy people I know are GENEROUS!

So let’s say you have $4,000 a month of income to live from. Giving away 10% of that amount may be hard if you’re on a really tight budget. Yet in general, having 90% of your income leaves most of us still good.

Tithing (or giving) incorrectly is when you give the 10% only because you want something back or think you “have to” or you focus on and obsess aboutthe 10%.

When you do giving correctly, you give away a portion in celebration of how much you HAVE.
 Basically, you are focusing on the 90% you keeprather than the 10% or 2% that you are giving away.

What you focus on expands. If you focus on the 90% you keep, THAT portion expands. If you focus on whatever percentage you are “losing” or “removing”, the losing or removing expands. Huge for me when I figured this out!

My most valuable currency is my time. (I would value argue that is true for everyone else too.) So my primary giving vehicle is my time.

All of This Explains Why the Entire Cycle of Receiving BEGINS With Giving

What you give, you already HAVE and you ARE. The law is you get what you are and not what you want. What you give, you have extra of. By the Law of Attraction, giving IS the beginning of the cycle for getting.

Here’s a tricky bit. For the giving to “work”, it must be giving from the heart without fear and without seeking direct compensation.
 I am perfectly aware that all of my giving will compensate me.

I do not have to pretend that is not the case, in fact I love that that is the case! What I’m not doing, is I’m not looking for the person that I’m handing something to, to turn around and hand me something else back!

And the giving must be without a fear-based motive.
 This is one that trips up a lot of Alphas.

Lots of
 Alphas over give, which is giving in order to maintain or obtain control.
 When you are an over-giver, you attract victim like people, who you believe will stay with you and love you because of your giving.

Just think of any of those stereo typical grandmothers, were you come to their house and they overfeed you. And they do EVERYTHING for you but chew!. And they work their hands to the bone.  It’s actually a control thing and you feel guilty not grateful.

That is their way of bartering and buying and securing love.  They were taught that IS love, so I do not fault that.  However, it is in fact giving out of the fear that if I DO NOT smother you and wow you and care for and fix everything for you, you won’t love me the same.

When you give from your heart, that is the giving that begins the cycle that ends in you receiving what you want!
 That means you’re giving without the requirement of direct compensation, not giving to control or to engineer what flows from your giving.

Asking Plays the Magical Role In All Of This!

Asking gives the green light for people to give to you. It creates a container and expectation that you will receive, which activates the Law of Expectation. The Bible is very clear about this. It used command language. It is Ask and you SHALL receive. Very important.

How often you’re asking for help should not be so wildly disproportionate to how often YOU are doing the giving. That is a recent realization on my part.

If they ARE crazily out of balance (and I know they are, mine were too) you have found a very easy place to unlock and attract abundance into your life.

When you shut down other people’s efforts to give to you, you block the cycle of receiving. What you are doing to them, is then done to you. Asking and giving are the twin yoked horses that drive getting.

Make time to really do the Practical Tip below today!


Tanya Recommends:

I am so excited to share
 The Luxury Love Rejuvenation Retreat on October 4-8th, 2017, hosted by my wonderful new friend, Camille Sheppard-Parrish, who is the author of Successful Women Date Differently and the Founder of Get Mr. Right University and Instructor in the Academy!

I know this is going to be an awesome, energy lifting live event you want to go to if this is up for you!

She will help you stop settling for mediocrity in your relationships and attract your Mr. Right for 2018. Then what’s holding you back from getting the love you deserve?

The authentic life and love you really want is waiting for you to open up and try something different…Stop waiting. Don’t keep shutting out the love you desire!

Oh, and she put it at a freakin’ sexy resort – Virginia Beach, Oceanfront Hilton Hotel

If you want in, because you came through me, you can BOGO (bring a friend ) for 50% off! 

She is great coach and why am I sharing this with you? She is smart enough to have ASKED! Asking, GETS. If it calls to you, check it out!

Take a look and be honest in your assessment:
How often do I ask for help? Do I wait until there is a crazy crisis to ask? Do I only ask out of anger?

Do I give without expectation of direct compensation from the person or place I gave to? Do I give to engineer or control?

Am I specifically not giving in the areas that I most want to receive?


Asking, giving and receiving are all pieces of a circle, like a wheel. If you cut out any piece, it’s not whole anymore. Not round. If you overinflate one area, it (your life) won’t “roll” smoothly.

There was a phase where we are all about getting. Then we uplevel and we focus on giving. The last phase is one of balance, where we are getting, giving and ASKING out of love and confident expectation of being generally provided for.
Where are you in the cycle?

Wow Did You Hear?


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