What if Mt Life Isn’t Working Right Now? What Do I Do??
- Specific Hope – Easy to do. Hard to receive. I hope I lose 25 pounds before her wedding (11.3 kilos).
- General Hope – Better chance at receiving. Still has doubt in it. I hope I look good for her wedding.
- Specific Expectations – Hardest to do but Badass when you can do it!I expect to find that white Marilyn Monroe movie dress in my size, on sale.
- General Expectations – Play Here! Easier to do & easier to receive. I expect to find a dress that makes me feel like Marilyn Monroe that I’m happy to buy.
When you are struggling, soften your focus. It’s like when you are out in bright sun with no sunglasses, you squint to soften the focus.
When things are working well for you and you are putting in the work to remove doubts, you can expect more specific things. But be SURE those expectations always concern YOU. Your feelings, your happiness, your objects, your next projects and desires.
Can I Expect “Bob” To Do Something Specific – Like Pay Back a Debt?
Better to expect your money situation to greatly improve (General Expectation).
Can I Expect Someone to Love Me?
Hell NO. (Sorry!)
But what if they promised you say? Still no. Free will was given to us all. The strongest love, the fairy tale love is not based on ONE eternal promise, it is based on a new choice and a new commitment every day.
When you start “expecting” people to love you, your energy creeps into “entitled” and that energy is roommates with “taking people for granted.”If you had left the house today not certain your mate would be there when you returned,
HOW DIFFERENTLY WOULD YOU HAVE ACTED LAST NIGHT? THIS MORNING?
Do not assume love is owed. So many good things come when you don’t. So many bad things are invited in when you expect love like you own it.
Tanya, Don’t you Expect to Have a Family? To Be Found by Your True Love?
Yes! And for me, having a mate and creating a family overflowing with love is a general expectation. It is not an expectation of a specific guy (“Bob”) filling that spot.
And yeah, I slip and screw this one up periodically! Sometimes I forget – get distracted by the next awesome “possibility” in front of me and start wanting a man to change. Don’t do it!
If you catch yourself, release all expectations you put on them and let them show up however THEY choose. Next you look at what they are offering you and THEN choose. That honors free will and is self-loving.
(Hint: Men fear commitment because they value FREEDOM. This way of loving GIVES Freedom. Get it?)
I don’t love you because I need you.
I need you because I love you.
Tanya, Can I Expect Forgiveness?
Nope. To be forgiven in person, out loud is such a huge and unusual blessing.
We are all much more likely to be forgiven waaaay after the “event” and never know a thing about it.
To expect forgiveness is again “pushing” someone. When you push, they will lean away from you or resist your desire.
Fudge, Can I Expect Obedience?
We have a winner! As long as you are referring to employees, children or dogs (I have often commented all 3 tend to respond to praise and punishment in similar ways!).
Note – you can only expect obedience where they KNOW
1) What To Do
2) Consequence For Not Doing It
3) You Are A Good Leader That Inspires The Drive To Love You/Please You.
Obedience does not belong in marriages, friendships or partnerships as obedience requires a “superior.”
Well, What Can I Expect from my Spouse or Mate?
You can expect ONLY what the other person AGREED to. In most marriages, you agree to be faithful, so you can expect that. If you agreed to be the primary breadwinner, you can expect you’ll need to continue that.
If you agreed to sex on demand or spend what you want, the other person has a right to expect it. If you want to change your mind, you really need to TELL your mate so they can change their expectation and take whatever action they feel they need to now that their deal has shifted.
If you find yourself in a marriage where you need to change your “deal”, it can be terrifying. Since I spent 15 years as a divorce lawyer, I can help you figure it out so the marriage is most likely to survive. But please don’t keep doing what’s making you unhappy expecting it is too messy to fix…you are worth MORE, so don’t burn up the prime years of your life hoping.