Expecting Punishment is Like Asking For It
You expect your deep truths to be met with rejection, so you prepare yourself to start RECEIVING rejection.
If you EXPECT to be punished you’ll become DEFENSIVE and sometimes even aggressive. The “protect myself at all costs” stance may actually BE the true cause of the rejection and not the big scary truth you just told!
Recapping. You tell a long buried truth to someone and the moment the cat is out of the bag (Tangent: why has no one ever stopped to wonder how the cat got IN the bag? I’ve had cats and there is NO bagging one, unless you leave it on the floor and hope they ignore it…hmm) you REGRET IT.
Stage One – Ego Attacks You for saying anything.
Stage Two – Doubting the Delivery is I should’ve said it differently.
Stage Three – Punishing the Trigger is lashing out at what made you finally speak up.
Stage Four – Preparing to Fail is expecting your truth will be punished.
Stage Four – Preparing to Fail
Drop that sword!
Yes, it is true that people have little practice at receiving scary truths and even less at telling them. That is no reason to assume it’ll go poorly.
I want you to do something extraordinary. STOP making it about THEM and make it about YOU. Prepare to be ACCEPTED. Wait a moment you say. Tanya, you can’t ensure THEY will accept us!
No. No I can’t.
I want YOU to ACCEPT YOU.
This is a moment to make peace with the truth itself, the fact that you hid it or avoided it soo long AND the fact that you aren’t 100% sure of what your reception will be for sharing it now…BUT you love you and you’ve got your OWN back.
Have your own back!
Don’t let all the shoulda, coulda, wouldas make you miserable.
I’m going to share a powerful quote that solves ALL of this. Ready?
That which is destroyed by truth, should be.
– P.C. Hodgell
Dearest ones, if the truth will destroy it, it is not real or worth having.
That does not excuse those who wield the truth like a blunt object, trying to destroy. But if your REAL truth, finally surfaced causes you LOSS, the real truth is you never had whatever that was anyway.
Prune your loving connections with truth, so you can trust their love.
P.S. This is a HARD habit to break! How do you do it? Just spot it. Just notice when you are readying yourself for disappointment. This will begin to weaken the subconscious connection you’ve forged between truth & punishment. It can free your life because love is never having to lie.
After her 2011 divorce, Tanya set out to learn WHY soo many marriages fail. She used what she learned to save her 2nd marriage and found her calling to Save YOURS too.
She is a 22-year Divorce Lawyer, Founder of a High-Conflict Divorce Firm, Author of ‘The Smart Guide to Life After Divorce’, Mensa Member, Advanced Clinically Certified in Hypnotherapy, Metaphysics PhD Candidate, Spiritual Teacher, Speaker & Life Coach.
Her coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor.
Her greatest credential is finally separating Struggle from Success in Life & Marriage.
Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: www.FearlessFocusCoaching.com/Resources