Why My Mom CAN’T Call Me Whenever She Wants…
My mom has to schedule her calls with me. Seriously.
And it has INCREASED the love in our relationship. How do you ask?
It did ALL of this:
#1 – It erased my resentment.
Before, any time she called I felt I had to stop what I was doing and talk to her – even if it was inconvenient.
#2 – It made me happier.
Because she was scheduling with me, I was actually agreeing to the call which made me happier about being on the phone with her and more present on the call.
#3 – Increased my willingness to be flexible.
Because the calls could no longer ambush me, I felt better about them, so if she does call me out of the blue, I am willing to take those infrequent calls.
#4 – I feel respected.
My mother is showing respect to my schedule and the things in my life that I feel are important. Because that respect feels so good to me, I feel our relationship is even stronger and I love her even more.
#5 – It protects my energy.
Having a time frame for our calls “contains” the conversation. And if she has negative things to talk about it it doesn’t go on for hours. Those endless negative calls used to throw my energy way off. Now, because I know when it is going to be a “heavy” call and I can plan for it.
This also gives me the ability to surprise my mom with talking OUTSIDE times we’ve agreed to. She can clearly feel and see it is EXTRA, whereas before she took those calls for granted. The old way had me feeling obligated and unappreciated for my efforts. The new way has us both feeling loved.
This is actually very similar to why women should “ask” men when they want to have a serious relationship discussion. You should schedule that discussion. You should not ambush your man with this discussion. He will resent it and resist it even more than the topic and he’ll develop a pattern of resenting and resisting ambush talks.
This is just one way in which boundaries (structure) enhances love.
Ready for something cool? Scheduling is good for sex!
Re-read the 5 points above but substitute SEX as the scheduled “thing”. See?
Same results. (Feel free to forward this to your partner!)
Is it uncomfortable to set this up with your Mom? Mate? Yep. It will probably be uncomfortable but LOOK at the results.
Happiness. Flexibiity. Respect. Protection. Ending resentment…
Do you need help figuring out how to set your boundaries?
How to stop mid-stream and make the changes NOW that you DIDN’T KNOW to make at the beginning? Hit reply and tell me the boundary you WISH you had right now…
P.S. We have a Holiday weekend coming up in the US – Labor Day 😉 I’m looking forward to working and playing. Lots to do – I’m building my next Summit on Relationships in Distress!