I Just Found a Fatal Flaw in Traditional Marriage! (Apologies in Advance…)
You know that moment when you realize something was so obvious and simple that it could have been seen ALL ALONG and you just missed it?!? Yep. Here we go.
In this week’s Training Post (Anatomy of An Alpha, Part 2) I taught you about CHOICE and how it is an Alpha’s most fought for privilege because it is necessary for FREEDOM.
Ok, so you buy that CHOICE is vital, what does that have to do with marriage? EVERYTHING.
I have discovered that CHOICE EXPIRES.
We say “I Do” and promise forever but you know what? You cannot. Choice EXPIRES. A single choice made long ago has a shelf life. It has to be CONSCIOUSLY RENEWED, REDONE and PICKED ALL OVER AGAIN.
And when we DON’T pick again, 4 bad things automatically begin happening:
1) We subconsciously begin resenting the deal (because usually the deal has shifted and we DID NOT SIGN UP for the current stuff)
2) Everyone “relaxes” and starts slacking off because there is no accountability because no one is counting anymore!
3) It teaches Alphas (who are ALREADY full of trust issues) that commitment is PUNISHED and
4) It encourages Alphas to lie to themselves about how their life is going to avoid having to undo very old and now messy choices.
Continual Choice Prevents Slacking.
(And of course this is true in your business too…)
It’s human nature. You work to get attractive and sexy and awesome and then your mate picks you and then…? You. Slack. Off. You gain weight, drop your interest level in bed and put the kids, car repairs, bills, work and even lawn cutting ahead of your man.
You slack off because there’s never another “examination”. If you stayed tuned into the idea that those who CHOSE you can and will UNCHOSE you if you fall too far below the starting mark, you would commit yourself to the continuing excellence that comes from still needing to “qualify.”
Oh doesn’t that just FEEL dirty! The idea of needing to re-qualify to keep your mate. But…wait for it…that IS the way it is, we just all ignore it. Remember, you can only manage what you measure and you aren’t measuring anymore!
Remember early dating? He starts to suck -> you leave! Your choice to go on date 1 did NOT insure he could get date 2 or 5.
Your marriage needs continual CHOICE. Keep choosing him and be the girl he chose or BETTER.
So here’s how it works (use your marriage or your clients):
Everybody works hard & gets somebody to pick you.
- Time passes and because there is no checkpoint, no renewed choice, everyone slacks off.
- Decay, neglect, abuse & assumptions enter over the years.
The hardest question for any marriage – the question that most marriages fear is: If you were single & happy and met your mate right now and knew what you knew about him – would you marry him again?
Where that answer is No, the relationship is damaged and in need of immediate repair.
Here is what stops Alphas from answering that honestly (even inside your own head):
The choice to undo what you have done would be cataclysmic, difficult and scary.
- Choosing to admit things are NOT good makes you wrong – Alphas love being right.
To avoid being made wrong, your ego doesn’t let you invoke your right to choose freely and continuously and locks you into the original choice, regardless of current cost.
That causes abdication of your power and authority because without choice there is no power. No choice or power? Hello Victim.
Trapped people can’t choose.
Alpha, you must ensure the right to continually choose in all decisions that are critical. This means you must periodically pull back from ALL big choices, look at them and say YES again. That includes your marriage, your kids, your company, healthy eating…all of it.
You need to recommit to stay engaged! You need this honest assessment to KEEP things from going off the rails to the point of no return.
(Hint: 15+ year divorce lawyer here telling you how to diffuse the ticking time bomb in your relationship that you didn’t know was there.)
Can you make the Alpha Oath of Choice?
I, Alpha, commit to keeping myself worthy of always being chosen again.
In work. In love. And In life.
If you answered that “hard” question and hate me right now, my bad.
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