Direct Goals Are In Your Way
Get ready for something counter-intuitive. Everyone teaches the value of having goals and big ones at that, right? Right?
Only one problem – pursuing your “big” goals directly usually triggers struggle, self-sabotage, doubt and desperation.
Why? Read on…
This Is Why When You Do What You Love, Money Will Follow
You want money so you chase…money.
You want love so you chase…Guy X (gimmie!).
You want independence so you chase…your successful business.
These direct goals are born of WANT, which is lack, which at its core is FEAR.
I have long taught that the actions don’t generate your results as much as your MOTIVATION.
All FEAR based motivations must fail. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. But they WILL FAIL.
To clean up your fear based Motivation, pursue a goal that gives whatever you really want as it’s BY-PRODUCT.
When pursue big goals directly, you are usually driven by the gnawing ABSENCE of what you actually want.
You cannot attract or create the PRESENCE of what you want out of the feeling of it’s absence.
Remember hearing, fake it til you make it? Feel it real? Those work by getting you to feel the presence of what you want, so you are a “match” to it.
If you want to Lose Weight, go for the presence of health not weight loss.
If you want Success, go for the good feelings you’d create, not accolades.
If you want LOVE, give it! In giving you’ll (yep) receive.
If you want to SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE, save yourself first.
But Tanya, I want to build an Empire and sell my books around the world!
Good! Figure out what you can do that would RESULT in your book empire happening and make THAT thing your goal.
Figure out the processes you need to master to sell those books and make those PROCESSES your goal. That will sell the books!
People mostly make millions on their way to doing something else.
The people who chase money and get it are never made happy by it.
Play with this.
What do you most want? What would DELIVER that? Obsess on that.
My goal is to teach thousands of people The Art of Self-Rescue. #ArtofSelfRescue
That will generate money without me chasing it. That will generate success without me chasing it. That will attract opportunities without me chasing or engineering them.
My goal is not to “sell” $X of coaching, it’s to teach thousands of people to save themselves for free.
P.S. I teach The Art of Self-Rescue as an Expert in Marriage Recovery. The big shift I provide is from the direct goal of saving the MARRIAGE, to saving you. Do you see it? Us saving you is the best way to save the marriage indirectly. Directly, you are trying to change another person, which is fear based, not allowed by Law and must fail.
But you focusing on saving you?
Allowed. Encouraged. BLESSED.
Tanya Stewart is “The Alpha Woman Coach” and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with.
She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success.