Alphas have 4 clear traits that get us praise and bring us misery. When something is wrong, if they can’t find Superman, they call us. Yes, we are Planners and Analyzers.
Let’s look at you Alpha as the CRISIS MANAGER.
Super Power Trait: Crisis Management
Skill Set: To enter situations in turmoil and bring order out of chaos, often without adequate resources, help or time.
Weakness: Your amazing crisis management skills make you NEGATIVE. The better you are navigating situations where everything is screwed up, the HARDER it is for you to attract and thrive in situations where everything is just fine. Because you are EPIC at defeating struggle, you expect, look for and attract struggle.
Superpower crisis management (which is another word for an Alpha’s favorite activity – rescuing!) makes you a full time WARRIOR.
How does that screw you up?
Warriors need BATTLES. Warriors start fights. Warriors feel unappreciated, rejected and lost without a struggle and a cause to “fight for.”
I spent over 15 years running my own high-conflict divorce law firm. Yep, read that again – high-conflict divorce law firm! It wasn’t even a normal divorce law firm, it was a “things are super screwed up, epic multi-year battle” law firm.
My cartoon avatar (from before people even had those) with a black woman in a blue business suit holding a briefcase and a massive Thor hammer. Warrior me!
I only ever got cases where things went crazy. I expected things to go crazy, I attracted cases where things went crazy and I excelled at handling the crazy.
And then, because I was still human, I complained about all the crazy! 😉
Friday nights, the law firm officially closed at 5 PM, but we never really left until after 6 PM, because we expected the evil opposing counsels to send us a sneaky, late Friday night faxes with something stupid in it – like, “we’re not turning the children over for visitation this weekend unless you confirm in writing in the next 10 minutes and it’s Friday at 6:30 PM” (Yes, that happened).
The double edge sword of being really good at handling all types of messes is that EVERYTHING in your life begins to reflect your strength, mess wrangling.
My relationships with my family, friends, clients and even my wealth all reflected my need to feel approval gained by rescuing someone or something from their crisis.
Time for Tanya’s two favorite coaching words: STOP IT.
The Real Goal is For Your Good to Simply FLOW To You
If your job has elements of rescuing (and for most alphas it will) keep it at work. If you don’t begin valuing things that you can receive without struggle, easily and in flow – you’ll stay a warrior your entire life.
Warriors often end up wounded and alone or die in battle.
Use your skill set, but consciously cultivate a desire, appreciation and a preference for that which is easy and peaceful.
Start by noticing your language around things that come easily. Just like last week, I had you notice your language around other people’s feelings – check your head around anything that looks “easy.“
Do you hear yourself thinking?
Too easy…That won’t work… There’s got to be a catch… It won’t last… It’s too good to be true… She didn’t work for it…He took the “easy” way out…
Remember the days where if you called a woman “easy“ that was a huge insult? And now all these dating books tell you that you need to be more“difficult” to get a good man??
Can you see how the world has devalued things that are EASY and set you up to praise things that are difficult?
Surrender your need for struggle and break free of the cycle.
You can be good at fixing other people’s disasters while learning how to STOP attracting so many to yourself.
P.S Still in Australia and I got to do someone no American ever does! Chase Kangaroos! All you need is a few hundred acres of land, a hundred or so kangaroos, a really tough, Outback truck and an Aussie crazy & kind enough to drive the outback for my adventure. Score! I got to run with red and grey and the grey-blue females.
P.S. I’ll be back home in the US next week for the final week of the The Double Edge Sword – Alpha Traits Training 🙂
Tanya Stewart is “The Alpha Woman Coach” and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with.
She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success.
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