Time for our origin story!! The 3 Life Cycles of the Alpha.
Everybody knows that Spiderman was bit by a radioactive spider. And Superman’sparents sent him as an orphan to Earth to save him. Batman‘s wealthy parents were killed by criminals. Wonder Woman was part God, born to an island of female Amazons. (Yep, Alphas!!)
Their origin stories created these heroes and simultaneously gave them their greatest strengths and most profound weaknesses. (Like our Double-Edged Sword Traits of an Alpha – Read Here.)
I’ve been repeatedly asked to tell the origin story of Alpha women. And so I will… It will take two months. What? We’re complicated. If you are a man, read on. You’ll learn why we are wired the way we are.
I will explain to you the three life cycles of the Alpha: Fight. Control and Surrender.
We will spend two weeks on Fight , two weeks on Control and a month onSurrender. That should clue you in to the relative importance of the Surrender phase, which most Alphas never reach.
Let’s explore how we come to fight with our men 🙂
We Fight Out of FEAR of NOT GETTING
Although we will talk about how and why we fight with our family and friends next week, it IS family that started this whole mess. Our families destabilized us by emotionally abandoning us early on, in some way.
When we arrive ready to have a relationship, we have a fear inside of us of not being loved or safe. We don’t trust our man to show up for us and to stay.Unfortunately, we’d learned to make our juvenile world safe by playing commander-in-chief and fighting to get what we need.
So, in the beginning we pursue men who are very similar to us and then fight with them.
THEY are in their masculine (and usually it’s not a healthy masculine, it’s more of an asshole-ish masculine because we don’t pick well at this stage) and WE are in our masculine. It’s like putting two roosters in the same pen – does NOT work.
We will use a baking analogy all through this series. We decide what we want as our cake and we set out to give our “order” directly to him. We want him to remake himself. He should do the mixing this way and the icing this way and use this kind of frosting…
When we try to fix another person, they resent it and fight. It makes them feel like they’re not already good enough. This is ‘like to like’ or the Law of Attraction. The Alpha herself does not feel good enough, because of her initial abandonment, so we find men who are also not good enough. Then we attempt to fix them.
We do not feel that we can have a man who is already good enough, so we pick ‘fixer uppers’ as projects.
Remember, Alphas are RESCUERS. This is the origin of the rescue. Find someone who is wounded and damaged and heal him and then he HAS to love you, right? He won’t leave you, right?
Unfortunately, as you know, that’s not true. But during the Fight Cycle we don’t know that yet. So, we keep finding men that are identical to us (wounded) and fighting to change him into what we need.
I’ll Make You Better, You GIVE Me Love…
We are demanding he love us and make us SAFE. Wanting to be loved is a doomed attempt to have THEM heal OUR wounds.
For Alphas, the FIGHT CYCLE claims your teens into your 20s. And it is exhausting.
Because Alphas tend to be smart, beautiful and overly accomplished, we originally expected to get a good man easily. We learned we can have what we “earned.“ We become willing to “earn” a man by dealing with the crazy.
Bitter disappointment follows the discovery that men won’t change for the better and won’t stay on our terms. This is the Fight Cycle.
Next week we will explore the Fight Cycle with our friends, families and at work.
Get ready to see yourself in a mirror!
P.S Writing this brought back memories! Why did I stay? Why did I beg? Why did I convince? Why did I overlook? Why did I take crumbs?? I was a wounded as these men were, I just LOOKED like I had it all together. Back then, I still needed someone to prove to me that I was lovable.
Writing this brought back memories! Why did I stay? Why did I beg? Why did I convince? Why did I overlook? Why did I take crumbs?? I was a wounded as these men were, I just LOOKED like I had it all together. Back then, I still needed someone to prove to me that I was lovable.
ANY LOVE YOU MUST FIGHT TO WIN, YOU’VE ALREADY LOST…
Tanya Stewart is “The Alpha Woman Coach” and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with.
She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success.
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